Blood: Volume I

by Helltown

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collection of songs from December 2015-May 2016


released May 17, 2016



all rights reserved


Helltown Portland, Oregon

bedroom bullshit

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Track Name: driving around
crying...hoping i drown
in tears...oh poor me
so in love with everything

its just too hard to be a human being
its just too hard to admit im wrong
its just too hard to smile at the things
ive been in love with for so long

and its just too hard crying over you
its just too hard to think of the past
just too hard to admit that you moved on
just too hard to admit this is the last

time... that i see you
goodbye... to the ocean of blue
and in your eyes i stare so deeply

its just too hard get out of this bed
and its just too hard to admit i need these pills
and its just too hard saying im okay
its just to hard to get warm with these chills

its too hard to admit that i am shaking
its too hard to say its from the drink
its too hard to breathe in this oxygen
its too hard to live with memories

pretending things are okay
its been a week and maybe a couple days
im still here waiting my love
im still hoping we could....
Track Name: Days & Weeks
im waiting for an invitation
back into your arms
instead im confessing childhood secrets
fears of ending up alone
i hope you come back the way you intended
i hope by then i still have blood to bleed
i hope someday you'll tell me what went wrong

but its not something i need
it means nothing to me

i will be here waiting
just as you left me
still in love with the same girl i've known
since i was eighteen
ill take you with your problems
take you as you are
nothing beats the way i feel when im lying in your arms
Track Name: Lighthouse
hurry up
and erase me from your life
so i can continue with mine

and take down
every photograph reminders of your precious laugh
i cant believe i got to call you mine

hurry up
and leave me in the dirt
i never wanted this to hurt
i tried to be your everything
but instead i go you lost at sea

can i be the lighthouse on the shore
can i be the one to guide you home
Track Name: Fever Dream
i fell in love at the heartbreak hotel
know that youre here and i still wish you well
i watched your sister smoke cigarettes on the deck
while you lied silently sleeping in bed

called up your brother to see how he's doing
talked to your father said that hes moving
moving to a new place with a new broad in a new state
your back home too late to cry now

watched friends drink themselves to death in the garage
just another fever dream you saw through my camouflage
im so lost without you so fucked up crazy and alone
i get so scared when i leave that youll find a new home

i fell in love at the heartbreak hotel
i watched you dance before you ever fell
so deeply in love like i never have before
it scares the hell out of me that i need you more

than you need me

i would sacrifice my only soul
if it was what you wanted
for me to let you go
id watch you leave
before my eyes slowly shut
because i am so dead inside
i might as well rot all alone
Track Name: Burn
hold back the flames
dont burn my skin quite yet
i will become
ashes in time
sacrificed in my bed

its the witching hour
my eyes still haven't closed
lost all the love i had
now im naked and exposed

the fire burns off my flesh
muscles and the bones they break
took everything i had
all the endless suffering
Track Name: Blood
its my skin
peeling like a snake
wrapped around your arm
feeling like i cant make it through this

the lack of speaking from your heart
has damaged us both
did you think a new start
would ever change things

im breathing in cigarette smoke
its filling up my lungs
until i feel like i can choke
on my own blood

at least ill feel something
as you erase
every photograph
and every trace of me

and i loved you more
than i could ever love myself
we both had our fair share
of problems with mental health

but we seem to cope
in many different ways
i needed you here
but you just pushed me away

and the panic it sets in
do you feel like you can't breathe
i will be your lungs
try to be everything you need
just please let me in
you are the home ive always dreamed
i need you in my life
like i need blood to bleed
Track Name: Good Things
you told me the good doesnt work
but why get rid of what doesnt hurt
just breathe in deep let the silence consume me
until i can speak till im ready to leave

because i am slowly getting used to
the idea of losing you
i am just drunk and drowning in
cigarette smoke and a drinking binge

i swore i wouldnt touch a drop
but the bottle loves me back so i cant stop
i was addicted to you but now ive numbed the pain
next time you see me i hope ive changed
over the years my sea legs have gone
if you see me the same im wounded and lost
hit with the shock wandering in the dark
while i broke down in that old parking lot

i am dying on this asphalt
it feels like home but its not
puking in my mothers house
hoping she don't hear and find me out
hidden the pain hid it so well
id give you my heart its yours to sell
or throw it away like the trash in your room
just tell me that i mean nothing to you

at least tell me i meant something
Track Name: Contorted
its just fine
im never asleep at this time of the night
i get nervous
get upset insecure from lonliness
so ill take the long drive from your bed
havent fell this deep in a while
lost in reminders of your smile

laughing at the way my memorys distorted
my naked body twisted & contorted
drunk off every word that parts from your lips
please let me die after i get my last kiss in

is it asking too much or is it a fever dream
is this real love or am i living in a fantasy
tell me all your secrets
and ill you tell of mine
tell me what is wrong
and ill try to make it right

i just want to be there
i just need to be here
i dont to be scared
but i am
Track Name: Social Situations
you showed up
claiming that things have never been better
swore to god he made you wait forever
for things to go your way

you went home
got drunk in your moms garage alone
sang songs about a girl youll never know
to keep the high from leaving your lungs

feeling gets lost in every step
feeling gets lost in oxygen
feeling gets lost in every breath
feeling gets lost in the sunset

i dont social situations
i just deal with my medication
a sixer of cheap beer
and a pack of cigarettes
i dont do well in big cities
i feel so alone
i drown in self pity
i desperately want to fall in love
but i desperately hate everyone
empathy have run its fucking course
i hear ghosts whenever i sleep
whispers of words that pour through me
writing these songs is the most honest i can ever be