1. |
Always Fucking Up
03:25
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depression lives inside this skin
wake up to hate myself again
wearing these clothes that don't fit
jeans and t-shirts so used to it
so used to it
but I wish I could shed this name
and everything would stay the same
I hate these legs I hate these hands
arms covered in tattoos I dont understand
who was that man?
who was that then?
who was that then?
I hate the way I spend these nights
unable to move given up the fight
I wish I could accept anything
maybe then there'd be a sense of peace
but my heartstrings pulling from the past
set aside so many promises
I made to myself that I would come clean
but I haven't done a fucking thing
haven't done a thing
im always fucking up
everything
im always fucking up
everything
im always fucking up
anything
im always fucking up
everything
im always fucking up
anything
im always fucking up
everything
im always fucking up
anything
im always fucking up
everything
thats close to me.
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2. |
AOL Chatroom
03:06
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I’m just a pile of your old clothes
An aol chatroom what a sight to behold
All of those wondrous things The joy surrounding me
While filled with silent suffering.
I hate the way I don’t see the good in my life
I wake up just too see how I could die
I sure as hell hope we talk before then
Praying every night to be forgiven.
i’ll be the thunder and the calm in the storm
all the hate that you feel wrapped up into one
Time passes too fast and we’re lost in every memory
The alarms going off but I don’t hear a fucking thing.
I’m just a pile of your old clothes
A phone call that you made too long ago
A mixtape that you play when you’re feeling down
Finding comfort in those old sounds.
Those words we wrote didn’t mean a thing
I’m spilling my guts out bleeding
I’ll carry your cross till I can’t stand
I still remember what happened, I still remember what happened.
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3. |
Pretty Girls
02:38
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I dont want to die anymore
but I can't find the time to live
working a job I hate
cant stand a second of it
I dont want to cry anymore
but I cant see the good in me
all I see is a broken soul
longing for some sort of peace
still see photos of the good days
when I drank till I was numb
I was such a coward then
beer breath, tobacco lungs
seeing pretty girls on the internet
and wonder how it feels to be like that
I wish I could stand my reflection
but I hate who is looking back
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4. |
Dead Mall
03:18
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stay strong
with a bottle of pills
take them in the morning
feeling better but you still got the chills
we cut our skin
to drink the blood
of the holy christ
the image of good
but im no good
no im no good.
wearing skin
but it feels so fake
the image of the lord
in all the hearts we take
in all the hearts we break
I see my home
and its a personal hell
the three of swords
lies on the table
but I can't tell
no I can't tell
no I cant
so read my face
scratch my eyes
stitch my wounds
end my life
listen close
the spirit board
the future calls
the ten of swords.
im pushing myself down into dark water
struggling to breath can't do it much longer
open up shop and holiday cheer
all the songs they used to play never thought id care
I drive by when im in town to see that old fortress
I saw a man die jumping off the third floor terrace
he died outside all alone
bleeding from the mouth I finally understand it all.
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5. |
I Saw Hell
02:22
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I saw hell when I opened my eyes
it looked a lot like my bedroom was there till I died
I saw heaven dark quiet alone
no god in sight just a slow steady tone
I watched each moment play out on a screen
making small changes took an apple from the tree
the branches grew till they covered the sky
I watched as he smiled and rest his eyes.
I watched this life as it played out on tape
saw the cause and effect of each decision I made
put on my best dress change my hair and my name
i'll be someone else cause im so filled with shame
all the time wasted never meant a thing
I was only seeing red in a fever dream
I saw hell when I look back at what I gave
"If could only go then..."
i'd give anything
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6. |
Holy Light(zzz)
02:48
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hold your breath hold my hand
we say words we but we dont understand
how to feel hang up the phone
sit on a couch together but so alone
so I pray to end my life
give me a disease lord just make me die
ill sell my soul ill pay the price
ill make the jump to the holy lights
take the photo and well burn it together
from 2015 said wed be in love forever
but now your name is just a name on a facetime list
from a wrong number call havent forgotten it
havent forgotten it
so I pray to hear a voice
one that gives a final choice
im out of luck
im out of time
read my cards
the finish line
knight of cups see through me
find my heart and watch it bleed
on the beach
we sat all night
I feel your voice
said its alright
but im not alright
after all this time
im still wondering why
after all this time
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